I would rather be effective


Today during my Mindfulness group, we were watching our weekly video from the Marsha Linehan series.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/06/28/marsha-linehan-what-is-dialectical-behavioral-therapy-dbt/

This weeks topic is “What Interferes With Being Effective”.  I found my mind wanting to drift, not sure why as I actually enjoy this group.  I know most likely it was because of the various thoughts running through my mind, and it was hard to not just “put them on my visual leaf and watch them float down the stream”, I wrestled with my papers in my binder, for whatever reason I felt it was not in order at that exact moment. As I watched the video – key words and phrases were filtering through my mind as Marsha spoke.  I found as I was writing what I wanted to remember, another comment would be said, my fingers were feverishly writing on different spots of my page.

The ones I wrote were “You can non judgmentally effectively observe”, “If you practice mindfulness regularly, you will find you will be more free and the last one which really hit home for me is “Would you rather be right than effective?” 

I have always felt that in any given situation I would rather be right, it was a form of control for me. I had control of something, it could be the smallest thing but I would be right because I knew that if I had control, people had expectations of me, and I would never let them down.

What I learned today is, yes I could be right, but little by little I would be losing. I read today’s series of paperwork and for me this sentence really hit home, in terms of what being right has cost me. “We lose a bit today, a bit tomorrow, a bit more the next day and all of a sudden you may have lost a lot of things really important to you.” 

I realized I would rather be effective than be right. I’ve lost too much in my life because of always wanting to be right. I’ve had my share of fights, arguments and numerous losses because of my sense of entitlement.

Until today, I have never known any different. I never knew there was an alternative to demanding to be heard, even when I thought I was been communicative.

There is no group next week, I’m not sure yet what, if anything, I will put in its place.

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