I don’t function well with….


Lack of sleep. I woke up today feeling bitchy and cranky. My sleep had been broken not just from missing taking my medication for sleep, but my cats had started running around through the house, including up and down the hall way. Sometimes they do this as a way of wanting us to get up to feed them, other times I have come to the conclusion that it is because the sunshine is out, especially after days of grey and rain. 

I also knew that I was feeling particularly down today about Sean. 

I posted on FB that my boyfriend and I would most likely go to the park with our dog Blaze. I always feel terrible, especially if he doesn’t get a really good run in. He needs the mental stimulation as well as we all do. 

C and I needed the re-connection and going for this walk was what we needed. It felt good just to be us and Blaze. Plus, I needed to get outside, to get outside of my head, my thoughts and do something that brings me happiness.  

During our outing I started to not feel well, queasy stomach, that feeling of saliva increasing in your mouth and the huge desire to find a place to vomit. I had no idea where this came from, but upon reflection the only thing I thought it “could be” was I had taken all my meds and vitamins at the same time after I had breakfast. Usually this isn’t a problem, but perhaps I just hadn’t had enough food.

We finish up our walk, and head off for a bite to eat, hoping that would make me feel better, nope it didn’t. In fact I had been in the washroom twice before we left the restaurant and within a few very short minutes of leaving and get home, I am back in the washroom! Needless to say I decide it is best for me to stay home for the evening.

I’ve also been reflecting and thinking a lot about the suggestions people have made about how I should best deal with my BP and BPD. Most commonly, it seems, that reading a book may give me the support I need. I, however, know better. I’m someone who needs structure and routine. A book gives me an out and I don’t want any outs right now. 

I’ve also been thinking about using a sunlamp. I’ve a girlfriend who highly recommends using one. I’ve done some research and there is a possibility that either renting one or buying one could help me with my moods. I’ve not made up my mind on this yet, and further more they are very expensive. Being that I am on a fixed imcome, I don’t have any spare cash to just use up on something like that.

Well, my mind is scattered, I’ve had a bite to eat, but my tummy is rolling and a few cramps are here and there. So I think I will finish this blog for now. 

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