Food Binge!

I had decided today to try the HCG diet. A friend of mine is on it now and has lost 30 pounds of weight in 3 weeks. Overall she looks great! Her complexion, her energy, its like looking at a new person. She still has a way to go, but I’ve been at my dieting for over a year now!! The most I’ve ever lost is 6 pounds and I have about 35 pounds to lose! It is adding to my ED. 

The HCG diet is a homeopathic program where you take drops and eat a diet no more than 500 calories a day! The first couple of days you are to load up on all the things you want, because the diet you follow is very strict on what you can and can’t have to eat.  I’ve been reading up on it and I want to do this. I know that with being menopausal and taking HRT, perhaps doing this will actually boost my hormones a bit thereby increasing my metabolism.  I have a booklet that comes with the drops that outlines what is acceptable to eat.  Some call it the anorexic diet because the intake is so low. As I said to C today, I’m literally at my wit’s end! If I don’t try, how will I know?  

I go and attend to my weekly therapy group. We checked in and I talked about how I’m trying to cope with my cousin’s death and using the tools I am learning. It seems some are subconscious and I had been doing them anyways. 

I finish group and head towards my next stop. I knew that as I was heading there, I would be going through my old stomping grounds, which happen to have THE best Chinese food EVER! I thought I would stop in for a bowl of Beef Brisket Won Ton Soup, get my fix and be on my way. All I have to say is, the minute I walked through the doors, I was like a rabid animal, I couldn’t wait to order. I knew I was about to binge hard-core, but I didn’t care. I hadn’t had the food at this place for at least 18 months and I ordered not just the soup; I also ordered sweet n sour pork, rice, spareribs with black bean sauce, and prawns stuffed in some wrapping that I can’t remember the name now. 

My voice inside my head said EAT it and EAT it all! I had this older man sitting to my right who was *very* chatty, so I just kept eating and listening to him randomly talk to me. He was a nice man, but I just wanted to eat! I ended up bringing some home with me. 

Now, hours later, I’ve taken 2 laxatives, drank tons of water and feeling like I may burst. I know it is because I never eat like that and maybe if I did, I wouldn’t be in the situation I am now? I don’t know, all I know is my thoughts are talking purging and they are getting louder as the night goes on.  I can’t wait for tomorrow, so I can start the HCG diet. I think that is the only thing that is keeping me somewhat sane now. 

Sure, some of you may think I’m an idiot looking for a fast way to lose weight, but I can assure you, I’ve been diligent with my food diary, my exercising whether it be anything from walking the dog to doing the Insanity program. I’m beyond obsessed! 

I don’t care that no one sees the 172 pounds on me. I don’t care that people think I look great! I hate the way I look, I see a morbidly obese person in the mirror (when I look in it).  If I don’t look in the mirror, I hear it in my head, so I know it’s not going anywhere anytime soon. 

With some luck, maybe, just maybe this will start to get things moving and the rest will follow suit. Dammit! I’m going to move this weight and drop what I want and if I want to continue dropping I will! 


2 thoughts on “Food Binge!

  1. Hi, found you on blogfrog.

    I did the HCG diet. I heard that unless your doctor gives you the hormone injection, it’s hard. I had no energy, being on 500 calories a day was just too crazy. I mean, yeah, the diet worked for the most part, but I was too weak to do anything so I stopped.

    1. Thank you so much for your comments :). Those that I am doing this with, other than one who got the injection, the others haven’t and are losing. I will soon see enough, once I start Phase 2 tomorrow.

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