I have now completed the ‘Load’ portion of the program. Two days of eating any and all high fat foods with no watching of calories. Trouble is, my brain does anyways… I know what I have to do, but my brain would override and tell me no! So even during a program I’m following and my ED is ever-present!! I weighed myself and am 173.5 pounds, I’m down a 1/2 pound from yesterday. I am hopeful and then I get scared. What if I fail at this too? What will I do then?
Today was the first day of Phase 2. I felt I did well, 437 calories and at least a liter and 5 glasses of water later. Trouble is, your supposed to drink 2 liters of water, so before I hit the hay, I will have to drink that. I found that other than the odd wave of nausea, combined with not feeling well today (totally unrelated, as I type this, I am dealing with a sore throat, sniffles and my voice going in and out). I didn’t crave anything sugar related or carb related!
I did a ton of yard work today, which worked out to about an 1 3/4 hours. I am beat, I feel tired and sore, but at the same time I’m happy that I kicked some serious ass! Now if I kicked the bug that seems to think it can invade my body, that would be great, however, I don’t think so.
Having an ED is tough, it is difficult to NOT hear the voice that says what it does. I don’t even want to talk about clothing, I am literally fighting the urge to buy any new clothes! I can’t bear to look at myself in the mirror at a size higher than I have ever wanted, let alone be seen in!