Then instantly the negative voice reared its head! SNAP just like that! The simple comment was “I don’t use that site as I don’t think it is accurate for what we are doing”. The site in question is a weight loss forum, I’ve been using it for recording my HCG food intake (I’m on day 5 today and have lost 3 pounds so far) and what I’ve done for exercise.
I’m told that all I need to eat is in my materials that have been sent to me. I have read them, yet I need to record how much is going in my body. I am obsessed to know how much everything is! I know it is about control and being able to record what I’m eating is my way of having control.
What isn’t in my control is the Voice, the negative voice that instantly made me feel small and defeated. The bad little girl, who felt ashamed for displeasing someone. Yep that would be me!
I feel terrible, I also have come down with a horrible flu/cold thing. At the moment, it is all I can do to type this because I am either chasing my nose, sneezing or just trying to breathe. Oh and for the record, I am a far better nurse, than a patient!
Well, I will continue on my program I have 30 days in total and at the moment I’m down to 25 before I can do maintenance. The thing I have noticed is I don’t crave anything sweet or carbohydrates. This is teaching me to really pay attention to what labels say on foods too.
Yet, tonight, all I hear is “you went over the calorie intake today, you are just wanting to fail” and with a heartbeat and not one step missed, the beat and drone continue.