Ever since my program on Tuesday (S.A.F.E.) of which I wrote about here http://wp.me/p2fTPF-dv, I have wanted nothing but everything to be quiet, the tv must be on low and the house must be at minimal for sound. I asked my partner if he has seen this side of me before and he says he has but has just known it to be associated with me wanting to Isolate.
I’ve done some googling on the topic of Isolation and BPD and there is definitely a connection, which makes sense because it is something I have done for a very long time. I see that it definitely would have something to do with my past, but it seems more like a coping skill versus anything to do with what has brought me to this point.
I feel exhausted, my body aches, especially my legs and my lower tummy feels upset too. Oh and my hearing hasn’t resolved either. The weather is also grey and wet outside.
So how much of this is psychosomatic and how much of this is real? It feels very real to me, every feeling in my body tells me it is real, so how do I not believe it wouldn’t be?
I am hoping that I will learn how to recognize what triggers the desire to isolate as I really don’t want this to always be happening to me. Its very hard on me emotionally as I feel withdrawn and blank.