Image I missed him a lot while he was gone and now he is home. I am happy he is home, yet my actions seem shy and aloof. I don’t understand, how it can be that someone I love and enjoy being around, I feel flat and uncomfortable. Is it something to expect after being apart for 6 to 7 weeks? That wouldn’t make sense because we talked all the time, several times a day either via text, or social networking…. 

Is it the result of having BPD? 

I have been doing some research this afternoon, trying to put finger to article. I know there has to be some common sensible answers, right? None of this makes sense to me. I am familiar with having to adjust to someone who has been away for a long period of time and living on my own, to now having the person return and adapting to them now being home and sharing that space with them. This isn’t our first time dealing with him leaving for long periods of time two sometimes three times a year. 

Well to completely go way off target, or maybe not. It seems that the problem is to do with my abandonment issues. My feeling is that this must be subconscious because I am not willingly or knowingly avoiding the love of my life. 

GAHHH! I sure do wish that this was worked through, its challenging to want to live a way of life with positive reinforcement and guidance, instead of ingrained issues that make their presence known, hence “subconscious behavior” *sigh* sadness is what I feel, but then again, maybe by figuring this out, one baby step at a time, means that I am curious to keep learning and from learning I can grow and become healthier?