I’ve been a very angry person lately. I would have to say since I started my program called SAFE. I haven’t been able to put my finger on it, or even get a clue as to why I’ve been feeling this way. So I called my former therapist this morning, she’s the one who got me involved with my current program and the one for DBT. I told her that I have been really angry for awhile now, since starting SAFE and that I don’t understand what’s going on. I told her that I don’t want anyone touching me, or having anything to do with intimacy etc. She said that due to my abuse, what I am feeling is my suppressed anger and that what I am feeling is from being a victim and I am at a point where I will never let anyone victimize me again. This I know is right, because after my ex left me for his mistress (at the time), I was kicked out of the house I shared with him. I had vowed that come hell or high water I would never have anyone do that to me again (hence my own home now). She said the fact that I am angry means that I am working at getting to the core of my anger. She said that my life has only ever known two ways of living – that is Victim or Victimizer. It is true, I don’t know any other way of life, I have been exposed to harmony, tranquility and serenity but she is right, at the core I don’t know any other way. So she said I am getting close, but that in the meantime, things like going to the gym, listening to music, doing a craft, any and all activities that involve the right side of my brain. She said that by talking to trusted friends, I can start to learn what other ways of life there are to live.
This bit of information is huge for me, as it gives me a piece of a puzzle I have been struggling to find. It also helps that it comes from a trusted therapist who has massive experience with suppressed anger and abuse matters.
Finally a little bit of help, is going a long way with me today.