13 months of waiting finally came to an end!

I’ve been attending SAFE for the last month and a half. I’ve also been on a waiting list to get into DBT since last August. I’ve done one round of Mindfulness (which is also their version of Rapid Access) while waiting for a spot in the DBT module to come available I have continued my healing with doing Rapid Access (more geared to anxiety), Stress management, anger management, choices, and now SAFE. I’ve gone forwards and I’ve stepped backwards. The one thing I don’t do well with is change. When the intake worker called me this morning she said she felt I was ready to take this module on. 

DBT is made up of three session of 7 weeks per group, done on a weekly basis. I haven’t learned all the ins and outs of it, but I hear it is very intense. I know that there is a mood diary, and I think I will keep a food diary with that.  I believe you are held accountable to every action and that could cause me to get very angry and frustrated. Knowing myself like I do, I have been learning about how certain things I do are because of my reaction to wanting to control. Things like sweeping the house, doing laundry, cleaning, (especially more so during my home renovations).  I’ve also been a lot more revealing of my anger and things being on he surface more. I’ve talked about my feelings in SAFE and some if not all have related to what I have been going through. 

Now, I get this call, the very call I have been waiting for for 13 months, but because I don’t like leaving anything without finishing it, I feel like I will be letting my group down and myself. Part of doing SAFE is that when you commit to a group for however many weeks it is, you finish it. I think we are on week 7, so that means I would be missing the last 3 weeks. However, I may just alternate between the two til SAFE ends, and then go full time to DBT. 

I am hoping that as I continue processing and breaking down “who I have been” and regrow to who I am supposed to be, that the areas of my life that have been “normal” for me, will return. I’ve felt some things start to return and this does make me happy, but I do still feel very confused at times. 

I am uncertain about entering DBT, but I know that anything I have ever done that is to be of benefit to me, I’ve been uncomfortable with. However, once I take that first step and dip my toes into the water, things do seem to become adjustable… it just…. takes…. time.