Understanding Friendships

Its been a learning experience over the years; learning who are friends and who are not. 

I know you give what you get, and having a mental illness has caused me to miss many social functions. Its been super hard to commit and to go from being a “maybe” to being more committed to attending.  I always take things very personally, which I have been learning is due to my troubles with being abandoned. When I see friends attending functions together without me, I take it personally. My negative thoughts start cycling in my head. The triggers set off, my heart starts to beat faster, my mood becomes snappy and bitchy. 

How do I get myself to stop making everything about me? I mean, it isn’t as if I could have attended last night, I was out helping with a transport rescue of 7 lil dogs that had arrived many hours past when they were supposed to, then delivering two to their new foster families. We didn’t get in til after 2am! Then we had to get up early and pick up the other pup who had been mistakenly taken away from his partner! 

So knowing that I couldn’t have attended last nights events, why does this bother me?