The last couple/three days, I have been feeling that feeling in my gut, the one that gives you a knot in your belly. I’ve been having bouts of sweating, wringing my hands, short temper, can’t sit still stuff.
It has been debilitating and frustrating of not being able to shake the panic attacks.
I’ve been doing some thinking and have noticed that I have felt frustrated prior to the attack coming on. Other times I have felt overwhelmed. I feel like I am “feeling” too much, whereas before I was numb a lot. At times I still am, and I am glad. Too feel these attacks like I have been, I’d rather be numb. I don’t take medications anymore for them, because I am scared of becoming reliant on them. I know they are there if I need them, and know I’m truly not going to get through the panic attacks.
I remembered my writing on Triggers https://sexyonthedarkside.wordpress.com/2012/10/23/ways-to-work-through-triggers/ and reflected on what I was doing or watching on tv. Our weather here has been nothing but steady rain and that doesn’t help either.
The steady news reports on Hurricane Sandy and the imminent approach of her, although I’m not personally affected, has bothered me. The 7.7 magnitude earthquake up the northern coast of B.C. and talks of tsunami warnings, I felt shocked by. When you have grown up in an environment where talk of the “big one” is always over your shoulder, does not leave my mind. I also remember hearing sirens as a child, in our neighborhood. I later learned that it was a siren to warn of impending bad weather. It amazes me that after all these years, anytime I hear of really bad weather, the siren from my childhood is what I instantly hear in my head.
My pets pick up on my mood, my boyfriend tries so hard to be there for me. I realized that contact with him is vital for me. Hugs, hand holding, soothing words, do help me a lot. Having a warm cup of herbal tea with honey helps too.
I didn’t sleep very much last night, anytime I heard my dogs walking on the floor, their nails clicking everywhere they went, frustrated me, in fact after a few short moments, I can feel my panic rise by 50 to 75%!
My boyfriend is such a loving, caring, person. He always helps me at every opportunity, he believes, like I do, that creating any way to keep calm and serenity in our home is more important than anything else. Whether it be helping to take our dogs out, to mopping and sweeping the floor. I appreciate all that he does for us and our fur kids.
We light candles and incense as that does help to create calm for me.
I am glad I have tools to rely on, but what I really want is to not have any panic attacks at all. If I have to, I’d really like to know what is triggering them, so I can prepare for them.