Feeling stuck in emotion


Today I finished 18 months of weekly therapy. 

I expressed in my final session how I feel like my true work is only just begun. That out of the last 30 weeks, 20 of them I have been more angry as I began to tap into beliefs and challenged on those very same beliefs. I’ve only just started to consider and explore the other avenues that need work and growth. 

I posted on my Facebook status

Feeling sad and teary, its an odd emotion, when it has been locked up a long time.

Friends commented with loving support and guidance. Then, to my very pleasant surprise, Mr. John Bradshaw commented! 

John Bradshaw The act of crying triggers hormones that help normalize the brain. Cry and don’t let anyone stop you. Release the pain, grief and sadness.

For those not familiar with John Bradshaw’s work, You can read more about him and his work here: http://www.johnbradshaw.com/. I’ve read some of his books, and his work ethics I have had been privileged to sit in a few discussion sessions to watch his many videos. 

I did reply to John’s comment:

John Bradshaw thank you for commenting on my post. In reply to your comment about crying, the emotion I am feeling right now is a heavy weight on my chest, the tears feel stuck in my throat, but nothing is coming from within. Its like carrying around a heavy sand bag. I did go and self sooth with a warm shower and lit some incense and I also tried to do my puzzle, nothing seems to be shifting this feeling.

I know it is a combination of finishing my program today as well as my boyfriend leaving yesterday for his hometown for the Christmas holiday season. I don’t have any plans for my birthday or for Christmas. I don’t have anything to do with my family. I also feel very guilty if I go somewhere and leave my pets behind. I don’t like to leave them, I actually feel more comfortable being in their company.  I did practice some distress tolerance, but I didn’t any success this time. I am, however, going to lay down with my dogs and cuddle with one of them.

I am not sure if this heaviness will lift, perhaps it isn’t supposed to until I am able to cry and release the emotions? I really don’t know. What I do know is tomorrow is another day and I plan on staying in. The weatherman is calling for a significant dumping of snow around here and it is amazing how my town just stops moving altogether. 

 

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