A Nun’s Story

I watched this movie this morning. It is a 1949 colorized movie starring Audrey Hepburn. 

Now, I’m not religious in the sense of how religion is interpreted. I believe in a spiritual being, I do believe in angels and seeking out guidance when I need to. So watching this movie was interesting from the stand point of what it would be like to enter into a convent in 1930’s Budapest. 

Yet, what I took away from this movie has nothing to do with religion. It has everything to do with acceptance.  The movie really gives you a perspective on what it takes to be truly humble and to not always fight to be right or how having too much pride affects your true meaning in life.

Having to be right is something I have fought with all my life. That craving that I HAD to be right, that no one else could be. Pride, having pride in something, anything, that I did. I realize that what the theme of the movie’s message was about acceptance and humility. See to be humble is one thing, to be raw with humility means (to me) that you are prepared to accept all before you and allow yourself to go with it. 

I know for me, I have so many “hang ups” it is very difficult for me to “let go” and just be. Going with the flow has never been easy, just as allowing myself to have fun. I have always been conscious of what other people would say about me, should I be drunk, should I wear something questionable, so many times I stood quietly where others couldn’t see me. 

After watching this movie today, I realized that one of the tougher challenges before me is radical acceptance. Being able to accept that my past is what happened, but that it doesn’t define me. Already I hear the argument going on in my head! The “no!” I can’t forget, yet by not letting go, has caused me to hang on to so much anger and unrest. I don’t want the unrest anymore. I don’t want my life to be of anger, hostility, hurt feelings…. I want to be able to get to a place where there is a peaceful acceptance. That I accept within myself that  what happened in my life, doesn’t have to define who I am now or in the future. 

See, I read that and I hear that, yet I am not there to accept it.