Recently I had contact with members of my family. It was over another family member who recently passed away. You know I found it really ironic that for all of my life, my bio family didn’t want me around members of my family because in their words “kept me in the past”. Yet, as members have become ill or passed on, I’m the one getting emails and messages asking for updates!
Such is the case recently. While this was happening, I had asked about an item that was to have been sent to me back in the Fall of 2012. What are we at now? Oh yes, February! I asked if the item was still in their hands, I learned that it was and was advised that after an upcoming vacation it could be brought to me. I was left with very mixed feelings, I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. Afterall, this was to have been mailed to me,
The following morning, I received a message asking for my address as the item could be sent to me, if I am not comfortable with meeting. Well this sent me into a tail spin! Suddenly I was feeling anxious and terrified that I couldn’t move.
My boyfriend was going to the gym and I remember my therapist suggesting that when I felt rage, or anxiety to go for a brisk walk or to the gym. So I tagged along. I admit, I really had a hard time staying focused on the treadmill.
I had messaged my good friend, but she was busy. I tried to message another person but it was the start of a long weekend and she wasn’t available. So I messaged my therapist and I really hoped she would respond. Thankfully she did.
We messaged back and forth, I explained the situation and she really gave me something to think about and it really put things into perspective. The words were really simple, and when I sat back and reflected, really right.
Basically it was this I am in control, if I want to see someone, go ahead, if I don’t want to, then don’t. It’s my life and my choices.
When she removed the emotional content from the moment, I knew my answer.