I’ve been following the current trial of Jodi Arias, for those who aren’t familiar with this case, check out this link http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-57564785-504083/meeting-jodi-arias-first-impressions-never-lie-or-do-they/
There are forums on Facebook and people have been blogging on her case as well.
I have been following this blogger lala1966 and today’s blog really nailed it for me as to the best way to describe what I see of this woman and the death of Travis Alexander http://carlarenee45.wordpress.com/2013/02/21/i-have-no-memory-of-stabbing-travis/.
The other thing that has surfaced for me, is the similar behaviorial triats I see in Jodi Arias and myself. I’m sure others who have been abused or have a mental illness may feel some similarity as well. However, I don’t like how she appears to have gone through abusive relationships if in fact she hasn’t. I have, more than once, and it is no walk in the park! I have no doubt she is a sociopath and narcissist. But I also see what appears to be borderline personality traits.
I know for me emotionally, I have the ability to shut down all emotion when triggered into an altercation with someone. My therapist has seen it first hand. Yet, I have compassion for others and animals, whereas the defendant, Jodi Arias, doesn’t appear to show emotion, UNLESS it is in regards to herself.
For me, emotionally, a long time ago I remember what it was like to feel tears and feel sad about stuff. Now I feel stuff inside that feels like it is boiling and wants to come out but doesn’t. When I watch Jodi and the tears roll down her face, I also see how quickly they go away and hardly a sniffle or plugged nose in catching her breath. That I do find uncomfortable. I find it uncomfortable because I can’t imagine showing emotions such as crying at any level and not having some residual appearance as a result of crying. Red eyes, puffy eyes, stuffy nose, flushed face. She doesn’t show any of that!
I have realized one thing though, that my passion for the law still does exist. I’ve not worked in a legal office for about 10 years now and had given it up for various personal reasons. Yet, I watch this trial, as I have with other trials and the desire is still present! This actually excited me.
I’ve felt stripped of not knowing “who I am”. That is something BPD does want to strip from you. The ability to know who you are, something I am in the process of learning. So to see that I am intrigued and feel passion for a career I loved so much, reminds me that it is a piece of who I am. A legal secretary. I doubt I will go back to the field because you now have to go back to college to ascertain a legal certificate, back when I was a graduate from high school, a diploma was all you required. Mind you, I would like to feel confident in giving myself some type of permission to socialize, let alone going to work. I’ve not had the best work history, the longest I ever worked was 2 1/2 years and that was at my first legal secretary job, fresh out of high school.
Not sure how I feel about posting what I feel are my similarities to a woman who is on the stand for stabbing her boyfriend/lover 29 times, nearly decapitating him and then shooting him. Makes me wonder if I would have ever resorted to that kind of behavior had I not gotten treatment.