To Honor a Fallen Soul

A day with family was something I wasn’t even sure would be enjoyable, given we were getting together to honor my cousin Sean’s 1 year anniversary of his passing. ┬áThe day has been gorgeous, bright sunshine, but with a high wind reminiscent of my days on a sail boat, bobbing against the seas.

As friends showed up to the cemetery, stories started to be shared, tears for some, laughter for others. Then up in the sky someone saw what appears to be either a young eagle or hawk flying close by. I noticed it swirling not far from us and when I looked later, it was behind us. I took it as a sign that Sean was here with us and I smiled.

A fan wrote a beautiful tribute and left a case of Sean’s favorite beer; another brought something else to be shared with friends and family. Thank you to the person who left those for us. The tributes that are left at Sean’s headstone, are comforting to know that he was very well loved. Yet sadness does creep in, knowing that a mental illness is what took him away.

I said to my cousin today that I have felt angry at Sean. Angry for taking his own life, for me to see the hurt his parents feel, his siblings both reacting in very different ways. One choosing to cope and move forward, the other within, secluding himself that loved ones wonder how he is doing. I saw all the tributes, the flowers, gifts and words being shared. I know that he felt he would be far better off leaving this world we call earth, but I have wondered if he was physically here, seeing what I see, hearing what I hear, would he have made the decision to end it all?

Overall, the day was one well spent. We followed up with going for lunch. Listening to my young cousin all of 10 years old, having a very in depth conversation with her cousin and seeing how he was trying to follow her depth. *smiles*. Recognizing that the next generation was sitting before us, 3 beautiful young girls, full of mischief, smiles and wisdom.

Family doesn’t have to be blood. Family is however you make it to be. Today I was with family and it was a day well spent.