So I told her the diagnosis that he said he saw in me and about the Process group starting on. I also said I am worried I won’t go to the gym because of feeling exhausted from being at the program and not sure how to handle this.
She said the group was great news and explained that the gym is great for blowing off toxic emotions. She said that the psych’s comments are pretty straight forward and that the Process group will give me skills to deal with all of the issues.
I reminded her that the psych isn’t the same one who is running this program. She said that was ok, that I needed someone to help with medication and that the group psych may not be involved very much.
I did tell her of the secretary’s dumbness and she said “what a screwy program and staff. Hopefully their services are better.” I did tell her that I am feeling really down as I had to go through all my medical records in order to put a list together of medications I have been on for the psych. But that the pages started triggering memories and that I lost my desire. To be reading that I have been dealing with patterns and behaviors for 20+ years is very overwhelming.
She said that this is a big step. But its towards better health and less suffering. I can do this. We all have to change at some point.
I replied that I didn’t know if I was feeling grief or failure, that maybe I would fee better tomorrow (which would be today). I also said I hadn’t been to the gym this week.
She said I may feel totally different today. To be good to myself and get to the gym.
I told her Chris was working on a tv show pilot, which she thought was great!
I thanked her for texting for a few minutes. I felt a bit better and maybe I would get some sleep tonight (last night).
She assured me that it will all work out. To let myself rejuvenate and for my next journey. That I can do this!