We talked about behaviors that should have been questionable and for me I never questioned those behaviors. I never thought of consequences or what I was doing, I just did them.
Another person spoke about her weekend with her family and realizing that her husband is very controlling and needy. On top of her own mental health issues, going home being a parent, and wife. She is at her wits end.
While talking she spoke about the reality that her husband is abusive in that she asks him if she can do this or that and it has been more so that she has realized these things, as she has started to discuss more with him.
As she was talking, I found myself rocking side to side; then I switched to vibrating my legs and feet. I realized I was feeling anxious at what she was talking about. How she talked about the honeymoon phase of domestic violence, how she has done therapy, gone to groups on DV and she feels like an idiot that she didn’t see the current situation she has with her husband.
I did mention what I was feeling to the psychiatrist after group, but all he said was I seemed to have had some things stirred up. A couple of members from group said that the doctor is very cut and dry. Meaning while in therapy we talk about it, but once therapy is over, there is no discussion, which is difficult because sometimes delayed emotions happen, such as what happened to me.
The two that stayed behind with me, said that I was processing what our other member was saying and not to be surprised if I felt totally differently tomorrow.
I said either way I was going to be getting it out of me by blogging or talking to someone. I wasn’t willing to hang on to all these emotions. I know what it is like to have a full on panic attack and it is so difficult to focus on anything, including breathing.