Over the years, I have been taken advantage of by people who are emotional manipulators.
For those that don’t know who these people are they are people who use guilt, will use crazy making behaviors (saying that they didn’t say something when they have – if you have to show them if it is written or texted), turning a conversation from you to them and using words like
“It makes me feel sad that you would think I would forget your birthday, I should have told you of the great personal stress I am facing at the moment – but you see I didn’t want to trouble you. You are right I should have put all this pain (don’t be surprised to see real tears at this point) aside and focused on your birthday. Sorry.” Even as you are hearing the words you get the creeped out sensation that they really do NOT mean they are sorry at all – but since they’ve said the words you’re pretty much left with nothing more to say. Either that or you suddenly find yourself babysitting their angst!! Under all circumstances if you feel this angle is being played – don’t capitulate! Do not care take – do not accept an apology that feels like bullshit. If it feels like bullshit – it probably is. Rule number one – if dealing with an emotional blackmailer TRUST your gut. TRUST your senses. Once an emotional manipulator finds a successful maneuver – it’s added to their hit list and you’ll be fed a steady diet of this shit.”
I recently experienced someone almost succeeding at emotionally manipulating me. I recognized the manipulating words, the turning from themselves onto me. I felt angry and frustrated, yet after all was said and done, I felt guilty. Guilty that I was letting others down.
This is the work of someone who emotionally manipulates for their own gain. It took talking to my spouse to recognize that I stood up for myself and that feeling guilty was to do with the words used on me. It was tough and I could hear the negative talk in my head.
Yet I realized there was no accountability, it was all being thrown on me. My fault, my decision, etc.! I felt like their situation was more important than mine, that my well being didn’t matter, even though it does to me. This I realized I was being emotionally manipulated.
A lot of things started to overwhelm me. The realities of what I thought was my purpose, suddenly wasn’t as rosy as I thought. In fact, it was more about all or nothing versus compromise and compatibility.
I have been doing nothing but thinking, churning over in my head the situation and moment when I realized what was happening. Realizing of past experiences and how I stayed in them. Now I am wanting to remove myself and have far more distance from it.