Fixers and why I dislike them


Its Monday morning and I am already tired; I woke up that way, combined with feeling very heavy hearted as I had to put my long term foster dog, Paco, humanely to sleep as his cancer was too aggressive for his little chihuahua body to handle. 

There is a person in group, who for weeks, I see continually wanting to fix people. I get that she wants to support people, that’s not what I’m talking about. What I’m talking about is the fact that when you see someone really hurting or upset, it is natural for them to want to take that person’s pain away and make it their own. 

This person and I went round and round. I reminded everyone this isn’t about anyone but my feelings and observations. That how people choose to support others is not what I am questions. Relating to someone is not fixing someone either. 

When I was asked by the doctor why it bothers me so much, I said that I feel that this person is wanting to take on the problems of others. I personally do not want to be fixed by anyone but me. People commented various answers and after our morning break, the therapist asked the group how they were feeling. One had said she was feeling anxious, another agreed and one more said she felt unsure if it was safe to share what is going on in the room for fear of being judged. 

None of the above is what I ever implied. All I implied was that it was about what I FEEL! 

Oh and as for the person in question? That person proceeded to well up in tears and wouldn’t talk when asked what was going on. Others tried to ask her what was on, but she wouldn’t answer. 

How do I feel? Honestly, I don’t feel bad, I feel like this is what I was feeling, I tried several times to be diplomatic and state several times that it was about me and no one else. So no, I don’t feel guilty. I clarified more than once my reasons. 

The rest of group I spent listening to others and watching the clock. 

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