Feelings of Abandonment


 

Just spoke to the eating disorder program that I have been waiting to start. Sept. 26 was the original possible date for introduction, however, I just learned it has the maximum people allowed. I have been waiting to see a clinician to get my physical assessment done, but there have been problems with their staffing and I am on a wait list, she claims I am not far off the list. 

I feel abandoned, that’s how I feel. I know in front of me, I am not. But the fear of not being accepted, to not starting this program has me crying and very upset. Chris has been amazing in reminding me I am not being abandoned, that this is a very struggling time right now. He has suggested I take the dogs to the park I like to go to so I can become better grounded. 

Oh and if I miss the introduction phase, the next start date is January 2014. She says I can do other classes there, I just wouldn’t be able to do the closed groups. I feel though that if I can’t do the closed groups as well as the other classes, that I am not getting to utilize all there is in this program. 

I told her that my doctor suggested I go into hospital for 10 to 14 days and that I have resisted because I didn’t want to jeopardize my opportunity to start this program. Yet, when I don’t get enough sleep, it triggers my moods and my bipolar, throw in BPD and menopause and I am a wreck. She said she feels for me and can see it is very difficult for me and she recognizes that. She said I could complain to her boss if I wanted, but I don’t think it will help. She isn’t doing anything wrong. However, only having 2 clinicians for a complex program doesn’t seem to be working. Combined with one woman coming back from maternity leave, one contract leaving and she is looking to hire someone by the end of next week.

My “possible” physical assessment could be mid to end of September, which of course doesn’t work for the introduction start date of Sept. 26.

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