The last couple of weeks I have been having a really rough time. I never have been good at change nor have I been accepting of when things are out of my control. I’ve been having problems with reality versus what is in my head. I have been telling myself that what is really happening is NOT what the words are in my head. The words in my head affect me greatly. They trigger weakness in my mind and that causes me not to care about decisions I make or the consequences of those choices.
I take my Lithium and my other mood stabilizers every day. I know they don’t alone solve every thing that is going on in my life, life is going to have bumps and ups and downs. Yet, when these mood swings hit, as does a trigger, I only listen to the negative, I don’t “see” what is the reality.
I told a friend this morning, I feel like I am split in half. I know for me and having Borderline Personality, I’ve often said I feel like I am split in two. The black and the white, or whichever style you want to call it.