Why the Instant Rage?


I feel it spew out of my mouth and I think of what was the last thing I was doing and/or saying and ask myself “is that why?” Is that why I just flipped out and yelled at everything in my path?

My heart starts to race when I feel the fire rise. I know I want to hold it back, but the words just spew out, like the lava flowing from a volcano, spewing after a dormancy.

I am starting to realize that there is more to this rage. There is more to why I flip out like I do and without warning. Right now I feel a hot flash, and it feels like I am about to melt out the fire that just came out of my mouth. The fear I see in what I scared, is the part I hate the most.  That is what causes those closest to me to want to shy away or walk on egg shells. I now understand why I would shy away when I hear voices rise and tempers flare.

I wonder if it will ever go away… this spewing of rage that is filled with instant hate and wrath so quick it even makes my head spin sometimes.

How many tools can a person learn til she gets “it” right? Furthermore, what is “it”? What is it that causes such a rise in my temper? From what I have experienced, there is a deep hurt and sadness in my soul.

I just hope some day to heal that deep hurt and turn the sadness to hopefully sunshine

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5 thoughts on “Why the Instant Rage?

  1. In my experience these rage episodes come from trauma that hasn’t been dealt with and a lack of the feeling of control. Quite often bipolar people’s rage culminates while driving, and if you think about it it’s a situation where we have very very little control. By slowly working through my issues, my rage has settled, i still have the odd episode but it’s much less than it used to be, almost every day i would get so angry i’d be wishing people dead and cursing strangers for practically nothing. all the best in working things out

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your journey and experience with rage and bipolar. I am hopeful i Will learn how to quieten the inner storm.

      1. I genuinely wish you all the best. If you have things you have put off dealing with, that often has a lot to do with rage episodes. All the best in working it out and curbing the anger, I know how scary it can get in your own head sometimes 🙂

    2. This is so accurate a post. I started lashing out so badly, I realized I wasn’t safe to my family, and had to seek more intensive help, doing an Intensive Outpatient psychoTherapy right now. Mckarlie is right. You would be so surprised with how much we believe about ourselves that isn’t true, and how much we need to heal, but we cannot heal alone. Please, I hope you are getting help to sort things out. I am blogging through my IOP, and then will continue to blog on through my different therapies as I continue. Good luck!

      1. Thank you @acronymommy!

        I am and have been in the care of my psychiatrist and completed an intensive OutPatient Therapy program that was called Inter process group.

        I am going to heading into an intensive eating disorder program shortly.

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