Until recently I had thought I was seriously messed up. I have things I HAVE to do everyday. Sweeping the floors and even if I have, I have to do it again. Checking for my car keys. I can put them in my purse or pocket and will seconds later check to make sure I have them.
Cleaning – I will sweep and wash floors often. Sweeping more so than washing the floor, that is usually once or twice a week. I become so focused on what is “invisible” on the floor that I can’t see and therefore I have to clean it.
I like to walk outside a lot in my bare feet. I think I’ve always been this way, but even more so since my many years of doing martial arts. Now, I HAVE to wash my feet every time I go outside. Suddenly I am wigged out over dirt and pine needles (which is now happening with the return of Autumn).
Weighing myself. All my life I have had major issues with the scale. Even when I step on it and get the amount I will weigh. I will, especially if it is very early in the morning, go back to bed, get up, reuse the bathroom THEN weigh myself again. Then and only then, will I take that amount as my weight. I wash my hands often, I smell them to make sure there isn’t a scent of a dirty dish rag or towel.
I am paranoid of not having control of my life. I will do whatever it takes to get to the answers I need. I know sometimes I need to be patient, but it never works. I will poke and poke til I get the answers I am looking for.
I’m not sure if these are traits that go along with BPD or Bipolar, but I wonder if they will go away.