Until recently I had thought I was seriously messed up. I have things I HAVE to do everyday. Sweeping the floors and even if I have, I have to do it again. Checking for my car keys. I can put them in my purse or pocket and will seconds later check to make sure I have them.

Cleaning – I will sweep and wash floors often. Sweeping more so than washing the floor, that is usually once or twice a week. I become so focused on what is “invisible” on the floor that I can’t see and therefore I have to clean it.

I like to walk outside a lot in my bare feet. I think I’ve always been this way, but even more so since my many years of doing martial arts.  Now, I HAVE to wash my feet every time I go outside. Suddenly I am wigged out over dirt and pine needles (which is now happening with the return of Autumn).

Weighing myself. All my life I have had major issues with the scale. Even when I step on it and get the amount I will weigh. I will, especially if it is very early in the morning, go back to bed, get up, reuse the bathroom THEN weigh myself again. Then and only then, will I take that amount as my weight. I wash my hands often, I smell them to make sure there isn’t a scent of a dirty dish rag or towel.

I am paranoid of not having control of my life. I will do whatever it takes to get to the answers I need. I know sometimes I need to be patient, but it never works. I will poke and poke til I get the answers I am looking for.

I’m not sure if these are traits that go along with BPD or Bipolar, but I wonder if they will go away.



One thought on “OCD

  1. My husband has OCD and went to therapy for it. I went with him. It was amazing to see how well exposure therapy worked, but it was emotionally difficult even for me to watch because of the stress it caused him. It did help, however. Also, his therapist told him if he could wait ten minutes (I think it was ten; it might have been twenty) without acting on the compulsion the intense need would go away. He didn’t believe the therapist but tried it. It worked. Like if the dog licked his hand and he wanted to wash it, he had to wait twenty minutes first (or whatever). After that amount of time it just didn’t matter to him anymore. I know it sounds crazy, but it worked.

    His OCD is much worse when he is stressed. And he’s on medication. If he ever goes off the medication, he is no longer allowed to live with us. He gets angry and mean without the medication because we don’t conform to his wants (which feel like needs to him).

    I don’t know for sure that what you’re experiencing is OCD. It does sound like it. It doesn’t generally just get better on its own. Sounds like something good to discuss with your therapist.

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