Struggle


Today I am struggling. I am experiencing intense fear and tears of pain and the feeling of being heartbroken.

For a couple of weeks, I have protected and stood by in my conviction in doing what is best for something I was doing. This morning that all came crashing down around me. Tears streaming fiercely down my face, my chest heaving as I try to catch my breath; the fear in what has to be done next after being lied and betrayed to, is incredibly painful.

Trust.

How do you trust when you have seen first hand the betrayal that someone has done?

More importantly, how do you deal with these feelings? Feelings I’ve not evenly remotely felt for years. It has only been since the change of my medication that I now even feel anything.

I struggle with feeling safe with this decision; having my back against the wall, leaving me no choice but to go forth and do it.

I feel grateful for my husband, as he has taken this decision on for me. I am too emotionally connected and the drama around the whole situation, is tension filled.

I feel exhausted, crying so hard it takes your breath away is hard on one’s body.

Yet feeling emotions at all, gives me a small bit of hope that maybe there is a chance for me.

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One thought on “Struggle

  1. Stay strong my friend!

    Thank you for sharing…

    ” For I know the plans I have for you “, declares the Lord, ” plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
    Jeremiah 29:11-13 NIV

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