The placement of Crap

I don’t know about anyone else, but I struggle badly with anger. I hate how it can sometimes show up out of know where or I am so easily triggered that my outburst is of rage and screaming at the top of my lungs!

Today in therapy my therapist discussed with about where to place my “crap” as we call it. She commented that my anger today is about histrionic stuff. I agree. However, I hate how sometimes the rage/anger just “shows” up and I haven’t learned how to work out the “wave” so I know when to expect the beginning, the middle and the end to happen. I also have begun to see how I am learning what works for me in terms of calming me down. 

Candles, Incense of my favorite scent, tv down low, I will color in my favorite coloring book, take my dog for a walk.

My anger can be debilitating because I feel such insanity and I scream so loud, I’m surprised the police haven’t arrived at my door asking what happened. I feel terrible for my pets, because I love them so very much and when I get like I do, they hide and cower, that is no way for an animal to live and I for one feel very ashamed.

Its a vicious circle……. and I can only hope the tools I’m learning will start to kick in as I feel my rage/anger to rise and not after the fact. I’ve been told to be kind to myself because this is learning and it is new for me. But when you have had this your entire life for as long as I can remember, being kind gets old….. fast. Image