Birthdays, Christmas and BPD

My birthday is on Monday, the 23rd of December, I don’t have memories of birthday parties or presents from childhood friends. Christmas, when I was a young child, I remember family, playing bingo, laughter and memories. Living with BPD, I can tell you that the last few years, I’ve spent alone, sad and depressed.

My spouse is leaving for the holidays on Sunday, to spend it with his family. I’ve put out a request to my cousin to spend Christmas dinner with her and her family.

This time of year sucks, always has for me more so as an adult, on top of BPD, my mood swings have been really severe. I’ve swung from being super angry, to feeling intense emotions on the verge of tears, yet nothing happens.

The only thing that keeps me grounded is my pets, without them, I would be nothing.



2 thoughts on “Birthdays, Christmas and BPD

  1. My spouse and I are pricing out the light boxes for depression at the moment. As for my in-laws, I’ve not felt any judgments, what it has to do with is quite simply as each year comes and goes, the harder it is for me to feel like I belong. The biggest problem for me is the feeling of belonging or “fitting in”. I’ve spent so much of my life as an outsider looking in. I love and adore my pets and know they keep me sane, but I also want a life with my spouse where celebrations include both of us, not just one.

  2. Silly question. Have you tried light therapy? I caved after they brought it up several times in IOP.
    Do your in laws judge you? I feel like mine do, always have to try to ‘wall flower’ myself to avoid any real emotion at gatherings. Putting on fronts gets so old….

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