My Brain


I saw my psychiatrist this afternoon. I explained the events of the weekend and while I hear him being proud of me, honestly proud isn’t why I did what I did. In my brain I did it for the animals, to which they are all home with loved ones.

My physical and emotional self, now that’s a different story. Dr. M said that everything is very raw right now, it hasn’t even been longer than 2 days so in his mind he isn’t surprised I am showing symptoms of PTSD. In fact that is what he diagnosed me as. (Great another label).

Symptomatically my stomach is in knots and my nose smells food and one moment I am hungry the next I am not. Today I doubled over in very bad stomach cramps, another physical sign that my body is traumatized by what I saw. As I said to Dr. M. as we are talking, I still see the deceased in the room we are talking in, in his vehicle sitting in it, right beside him.

Victim’s Services said to keep my routine, whatever that may be. I don’t have much of one, but if it means getting outside everyday I can do that, I have dogs lol.

I don’t see him til the 14th of April, and until then he wants to leave everything as is medication wise, which I am happy about. After all, we just got that sorted out I’d hate to increase dosages and start all over again.

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