Why are we not compassionate to ourselves?


worthyI normally write my blogs in the morning, but today’s escaped me with various errands and such. I just hope my readers will be able to catch what I have shared today and if not, there’s always tomorrow!

Now, where was I?

Oh yes, why is it we are so good at being empathetic and compassionate to others, but not to ourselves? Fact is, in a lot of instances, if we flipped our compassion and empathetic to ourselves, just imagine what what that would be like? Pretty cool if you ask me.

Do you know what it means to have a Compassionate Response? I want to share with you what I have been learning this week. You don’t have to take it all in if you choose or you can. I found there were parts that really resonated with me, so much so that I came out of this group session realizing I do matter and I am a worthwhile person; that’s the most I have ever felt for as long as I can remember.

To develop a compassionate mind, it is important to make a commitment to a different way of thinking. The OLD way was to judge and then reject. The NEW way requires that you suspend judgment for a few moments. When confronted with a situation that you traditionally evaluate in a negative way, you can instead use a specific series of thoughts that are called

“The Compassionate Response”

A. UNDERSTANDING

The compassionate response begins with 3 questions that are important to ask yourself to promote an understanding of the problematic behavior.

  1. What need was I trying to meet with that behavior?
  2. What beliefs or awareness influenced the behavior?
  3. What pain, hurt or other feelings influenced the behavior?

B. ACCEPTANCE

Next come 3 statements to remind yourself that you can accept (myself) a person without blame or judgment, no matter how unfortunate their choices have been.

  1. I wish __________ hadn’t happened, and it was merely an attempt to meet my needs.
  2. I accept myself without judgment or feelings of wrongness for that attempt.
  3. No matter how unfortunate my decision, I accept myself as someone who is, like all of us, trying to survive.

C. FORGIVENESS

Finally, 2 statements suggest that the slate can be wiped clean, that it is time to forgive and let go of it.

  1. It’s over, I can let go of it.
  2. Nothing is owed for this experience or decision.

Try to memorize this sequence. Make a commitment to use it whenever you notice you are judging yourself or others. Revise if you wish, so that the language and suggestions feel right for you. Be sure to maintain the basic thrust of the compassionate response: UNDERSTANDING, ACCEPTANCE, FORGIVENESS.

COMPASSION FOR MYSELF

I am a human being. I am worthwhile just because I exist and try to survive. I take care of myself. I take myself seriously. I correctly take myself into consideration first in all matters.

I have legitimate needs and wants. I can choose what I need and want without having to justify it to anybody. I make choices and I take responsibility for them.

I always do my best. Each thought and action is the best I am capable of at the time. Because I’m human, I make mistakes. I accept my mistakes without blame or judgment. When I make a mistake, I learn from it. I am imperfect and I forgive myself for my mistakes.

I know that others are equally worthy, equally imperfect. I have compassion for them because they are engaged in the same struggle for survival that I am.

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4 thoughts on “Why are we not compassionate to ourselves?

  1. The Mama With Bipolar Disorder – can you bookmark this blog entry? It is so worth keeping, I’m glad it has been of use to many as it has been to me and I have to refer to it everyday!

  2. I’m learning to be compassionate to myself 🙂 getting better and better every day – I think the main reason for not being compassionate to ourselves is our upbringing and conditioning by the school system…

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