SIGNS OF THE ABSENCE OF SELF-FORGIVENESS
Lack of self-forgiveness can result in:
- A loss of love for yourself
- Indifference toward yourself and your needs
- An emotional vacuum in which little or no emotions are shown or shared
- Chronic attacks or angry outbursts against self
- Disrespectful treatment of self
- Chronic depression
- Chronic recalling and reminding of past failures, mistakes, errors and offenses
- Suspicions about others’ motives, behavior, attitudes and benefits when they are accepting of you
- Chronic hostility, sarcasm ad cynicism
- Self name calling, belittling, self demeaning and self destructive behaviors
- Unwillingness to change and/or unwillingness to seek the help necessary to change
- Resistance to doing what is necessary to heal within and recover from low self esteem
Irrational thinking preventing self-forgiveness:
- I hurt myself so much. How can I ever expect to forgiven for that?
- No one deserved the treatment I dished out and I do not believe that forgiveness is deserved in this situation.
- I am sick over what I did. How can I ever forgive myself?
- I must be inherently evil and I am despicable. No forgiveness will ever change that.
- I am vicious and cruel, and I always need to be on guard because of that so why try to forgive what I have done?
- It is a sign of weakness or softness to forgive myself. I must always keep my guard up so as never to repeat my wrongdoings.
- There are somethings I can never forgive myself for.
- What has happened in my life is punishment for all the wrong that I have done in the past.
- I have done too much for which I never be forgiven.
- If I forgive myself I may come back and hurt myself/others again.
- I do not deserve any self kindness, self compassion or self forgiveness.
I can honestly say many of those above I have felt and deep down have beaten myself up because of those thoughts. I have learned that for me it is my proverbial “hamster wheel” . The same thing happening over and over, and nothing changes.
As I have been learning about how to increase my self esteem, better understand why I have thought the way I have, I have also been learning HOW to break the negative thoughts that I have carried with me all my life.
This is going to take daily work. I have had 40+ years of thinking one way and it may take more than one self esteem group to have these skills become ingrained.
But I’m worth it, and so are you.
Make sure to return tomorrow where I continue with The Compassionate Response – New Behaviors Needed to Create Self-Forgiveness.