I’m coming to realize I need structure, doesn’t seem to matter what it is, just that it has to give me a sense of purpose.
Today I took 4 garbage bags full of recycling bottles back, which actually was a lot more work than I thought it would be, but is it wrong that I thought I would see more money than I did? I even tried to tell myself, look at all you took back! Look how much you saved the planet!
Seeing the autumn leaves all around, has me starting to feel like my depression is looming. Looming because after Fall comes Winter, which comes the holidays and I am usually by myself for the holidays and everything ricochets.
I’m starting to feel my patience is low, my reactions are high and I decided to do something outside. I went to the park where it is very quiet and took my dogs so they could run. It helped some until I wanted to walk faster and my dog who is older, was more interested in sniffing every spot of grass and leaf.
I had a look at my calendar, its very bare. Next week I have a couple of appointments, but that’s it. I am not even sure what I would want to fill it up with. I am on disability and can only earn so much a month, otherwise I would be cut off.