Its amazing when in my weekly group, as I listen to others share how they feel and what they are feeling, a lot of sadness is shared. Yet for me? I’m pissed! Yep, I said it! Pissed! I even said it in group!
Another member shared their life on the topic at hand and I swear it was mine. It helps actually, but at the same time I see what that person has gone through and I look at some of what I have gone through and its like two different behaviors, but the internal cause is the same. You may notice I write with anonymity of gender etc because I think it is important to continue with the trust circle created in my group.
I keep thinking that I can’t possibly have any more anger that has already been released, but it seems there is more that comes out in different ways. Kind of scary when you think about it.
My eating disorder has been running full speed. I “think” I am the one in control, but I know inside I’m not. I let it trick me, say what it will, so that it will “win” and I let the cycle continue. This is in turn just recreates the internal anger that swirls around and around.
Its interesting when I attend group, mere moments of arriving, there is some social chatter with other members, catching up stuff like that. Then when we settle in, we listen and start to go over what that day’s topic will be. Twice I’ve felt anger and I’ve only had 2 sessions! There are 10 sessions in all, I just hope that the anger I feel, will release to tears or something, it doesn’t feel very nice to know that I’ve carried around this deep emotion from when I was young.