Feeling Disappointed

Holidays, you know what those are, the time where some see family; me not so much.

A couple of nights ago, my spouse and I were talking about me travelling with him out of state to visit his family (specifically his daughter who is under 12) for Christmas. It is fees-able for one of us to go, but by the time we add our dogs to the kennel, update their shots the price pretty much jumps to twice plus. ,We have been together for 5 years (this month) and I’ve not had a holiday spent with him. Same for New Years. Last year I decided to start decorating my home to help me feel more festive (my birthday is the 23rd of Dec.) as well as my childhood favorite Christmas shows. I’m a huge Peanut’s fan and one of my favorites shows is “A Year Without a Santa Clause”. I really believe these are what help me cope.

I also would feel terrible leaving my dogs for 2 weeks in a kennel and not seeing them on Christmas. My cats are independent but they are worthy of love and cat nip lol. See for me, my animals are my children. I don’t see them just as fur and such, I see them as living, breathing, loving “children”. When they hurt, I hurt.

But I am also feeling disappointed (yet again) at not being with my spouse. I want to have a Christmas at our house, with everything, his daughter, decorations, creating memories for all of us.

Unfortunately, that is not meant to be.