Fears of Recovery

I struggle tonight.

Having a mental illness and an eating disorder make life a challenge sometimes.

Today in group we were looking at what my worst fears about my recovery are. Like a few things that have transpired in this group, it means examining my eating disorder and challenging him. Each time I do so, he throws crap back at me. I feel like all I want is to part like the red sea and walk down the middle to clear thinking and not distorted thinking. Its tough, but I want to believe not impossible.

I fear not having a foundation. A foundation for me means having something in place, whether it be a support group, friends who are in program, friends who understand; these are easier said than done. The other fear is that after I reach recovery that I will replace my eating disorder behavior with another addiction.

There are other fears surrounding recovery from an eating disorder:

  • The pressure to actually being successful in a career
  • Losing close connections with support members
  • Having real, honest relationships
  • Looking a healthy weight, or becoming what society views as overweight
  • Pressure from others to maintain good health

Where do I go from here? From the things I have learned, I need to sit with these uncomfortable feelings, perhaps find something to distract myself and hope that later on I will feel better.



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