Old Wounds

Last evening while out at a social event, a couple showed up. To give a bit of feed back, about 5-6 years I was an  un diagnosed woman. I caused drama and I know I was not always easy to be around. One morning, I received an email, not just any email, a scathing, cruel, hurtful email from this couple who showed up last night.

My spouse didn’t realize when he introduced us that she and I knew one another. The woman commented that she had heard I am doing well and that she is pleased to hear that and “by gones”. I thought to myself “By gones?!” You stabbed me in many ways and for many years no one and I mean no one stuck by me when things were tough and before I was diagnosed.

I had to walk away before I said something I would regret later.

My spouse came to find me and apologized for forgetting the connection between the couple. I explained how I felt and we talked it over. He reminded me that I need to look at radically accepting that I am a better person than this person is, that I even spoke to her politely even knowing that my feelings were at the surface.

More than once during the evening, the wife came up and commented on how lovely it was to chat with me. Yet, just before the evening was over, she made a comment to my husband about how we had bad blood between us and that she thinks that she was probably a bit too harsh. I just about fell over!

I struggle with old wounds as it is, and I know that those old wounds are what have contributed to the very hurt feelings and grief I have buried down deep inside.

This isn’t the first time that this behavior has happened to me. Where I was walked away from (and I realize its a persons right to do that if they so wish), and then to come back because “I’m doing really well”. It feels like a slap in the face, like a punishment that until solved and accepted by those who seem to think that they are worthy of doing so, allow me their presence.

That is not how I work. I’ve had to a lot of work on my own, for myself and no one else.

Old Wounds