Digging in the Deep

Today was the first day back since before Christmas, of attending group therapy. This one is called Building Compassion.

As usual on first day get togethers there is a usual go over of boundaries, expectations, things like that.

We started on a the 3 Pillars of Compassion:

  1. First pillar: Self-kindness
  2. Second pillar: Common humanity
  3. Third pillar: Mindfulness

First Pillar

I try to be kind to myself about my flaws and inadequacies but it is not easy. I see fault a lot of times and reminding myself that it isn’t true is challenging. In times of difficulty/stress being extra kind and caring towards myself isn’t something I think to do, often I usually punish myself. When I feel emotional pain, I go numb because it is a place I have gone to most of my life.

Second Pillar

Reminding myself that I am not perfect and that it is ok to make mistakes, is something I am learning to do and will get better at.  However, when I am really down I struggle with reaching out to other people for support and understanding. When I am upset, reminding myself that I am not alone and that there are lots of other people in the world feeling like I am. This is something that will take practice, a lot of times we do feel alone when we are in our darkest moments. I need to keep aware of the fact that everyone suffers in some way.

Third Pillar

Being mindful is something that I work on and practice, reminding myself that I have a lot to be grateful for. I will be honest though, when I am down I don’t remember to make an effort to focus on what is going well. The same goes for when things upset me, I don’t remember to try to keep a balanced view of the situation.

We talked about your wants and needs as a child and how that affects you today. Some things really struct me hard and I wrote them out as the words came to me. I haven’t decided if I will share them here or not. Sometimes one needs time to process before words are spoken.


5 thoughts on “Digging in the Deep

  1. This is excellent. I think I have the most difficulty with pillar one, because I am often my own worst enemy.

  2. I like the title of your blog. “Digging in the Deep.”
    I’m so glad that you have found a therapy group to fall back on. Those pillars are really good to remind yourself of because they point you back up to the truth.A colleague of mine blogged on this topic yesterday. Her blog is called “Finding the Light.” You are welcome to take a look at it. I think she does a great job about being honest and sharing her journey. This is her site: http://www.aimeeeddygross.blogspot.com/
    God bless.

  3. The fact that we are all essentially the same has been a common thread in my conversations this week. I, too, struggle with the lie that I must be perfect. That others expect me to be perfect, that I can either be perfect or a complete failure, that God won’t love me if I’m not perfect.

    I fight against this intentionally every day. I say out loud to myself and others that everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes are not only OK, but they are expected, and can even be celebrated because that is where we learn. Good luck on your path to healing and acceptance.

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