I’ve started to recognize when my BPD is wanting to over take my thoughts. I was talking to my spouse and I told him that I really want to stay present (in our conversation) but I found myself feeling angry, abandoned and frustrated with our conversation. The details of the conversation don’t really matter, what matters is that I said out loud that I am struggling to stay present at this moment.
We continued to talk some more and it helped to think about other ways to stay present. My spouse said perhaps I may need to radically accept that the situation is what it is and that I don’t have control over it. That is very true, but I tell you my BPD, would just kick in its thoughts all negative and very destructive.
I don’t know how things will turn out with our conversation, I hope there will be calmness and understanding. For now, I am trying to settle the emotions I feel on the inside.
I am writing today so I can get the thoughts out and also be able to reflect when I have a bad next time. That I can see that there can be progress, even when I feel like there isn’t.