Starting to recognize when my BPD is rearing its ugly head

I’ve started to recognize when my BPD is wanting to over take my thoughts. I was talking to my spouse and I told him that I really want to stay present (in our conversation) but I found myself feeling angry, abandoned and frustrated with our conversation. The details of the conversation don’t really matter, what matters is that I said out loud that I am struggling to stay present at this moment.

We continued to talk some more and it helped to think about other ways to stay present. My spouse said perhaps I may need to radically accept that the situation is what it is and that I don’t have control over it. That is very true, but I tell you my BPD, would just kick in its thoughts all negative and very destructive.

I don’t know how things will turn out with our conversation, I hope there will be calmness and understanding. For now, I am trying to settle the emotions I feel on the inside.

I am writing today so I can get the thoughts out and also be able to reflect when I have a bad next time. That I can see that there can be progress, even when I feel like there isn’t.



One thought on “Starting to recognize when my BPD is rearing its ugly head

  1. I’ve found that writing things out does help to work through what might seem unmanageable otherwise. I hope you continue to use the tool to make your life more manageable. I can’t even conceive of what life is like with BPD, but wish you the best as you seem to be doing your best to make your own life better in spite of it.

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