I got lost


LostNo worries, nothing bad happened to me.

I think with the tail end of my therapy groups, the very hot weather where I live, my spouse has been away for 7 weeks, plus changing my eating and exercising habits, I suddenly had no desire to write because I felt like I had nothing to contribute to the blogging sphere.

So today is the first time in a long time that I feel down. Hard to say exactly what has brought it on, but I am reminding myself that its ok to feel down, and pamper myself.

My garden has done ok, but my strawberries and sugar peas didn’t do well, the hot weather whithered them. Yet my cherry tomatoes and beef steak tomatoes are flourishing. I also have my very first green pepper growing!

I have started working with a new therapist. I’ve had 3 sessions with her and I’m just not sure about her. She isn’t into “talk therapy” she is more about working on the inside and bringing out the emotions that are trapped deep within me. She explained a lot to me yesterday about how we will go about things, which I understand better.

However, when we were booking my next session, the time she offered I said I couldn’t because I had a psychiatrist appointment. She commented if it was talk therapy and I said no, its more about medication checking, seeing how I am etc. She asked if he is open to me coming off of them, I said ultimately I would like that but I do realize that may not happend and I am truly at peace with that. I told her I am bipolar II and that I have been diagnosed borderline personality. She said she doesn’t work with labels and that they don’t exist. I said of course they do, its genetic in my family. She replied that when a person is in love or is sad, we don’t medicate them do we? I said no, but that is completely different.

I exercise everyday and I know i have an addiction, yet it has also helped me in many ways.  i feel more energetic, I get out of the house and take my dogs to an off leash park three to four times a week weather depending. I’ve joined weight watchers and it has really improved my way of eating and the support group is my favorite activity. I am encouraged when others overcome an obstacle I may be going through or may go through at some point. I’ve started becoming more aware of what my body does when I am overtired, how it craves surgar and how my eating disorder will play into that.

I have an appointment with a counsellor tomorrow to be re-entered into the eating disorder program. This is my second time going into it. I’m ok with that because now I am familiar with some of what is covered so it won’t be so overwheming. Its still for 18 months.

So tell me, what’s new with you?

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