To say my life has been quiet is ridiculous. I’ve been attending therapy more often, because I am being activated and having my therapist to talk to helps me find my way through the chaos.
She keeps saying through our sessions that I have the power and can say no anytime I want. It feels very uncomfortable and scary. I said yesterday that I feel like one half of my body is my little girl and the other half is the adult.
She also wanted to put it out there that a lot of my dark emotions are historical, meaning they aren’t in the present. She recommended to me that when there comes a time and the emotions are so intense, look inside and see if they are present or historical. If they are historical, you can put them in a box, not to be forgotten, just not to be dealt with at that moment.
How does one say “I have the power” or I take back my power to those who have damaged you deeply? It sounds easier than it really is. Emotional and mental abuse is very damaging on a long-term scale. It is going on 5-6 years of steady therapy and group work to help me get my rage to a tolerable level. I still don’t cry, most of the time I abuse myself with my eating disorder, but if it is my animals then I know I will become very emotional.
I plan on writing more, and seeing how that helps me.