Now I know why


The narcissistic family often resembles the proverbial shiny red apple with a worm inside. It looks great, until you bite into it and discover the worm. The rest of the apple may be just fine but you’ve lost your appetite.

–Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert  Pressman, The Narcissistic Family

I am no longer alone….

I am so thankful to my caseworker who recommended that I read:

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It isn’t an easy read, many parts hit very close to the point of exactly my life. I take moments to read and I also give myself permission to take a break and process.  It is painful, that my life turned out this way.

The family with a narcissistic mother operates according to a unspoken set of rules. Children learn to live with those rules, but they never stop being confused and pained by them, for these rules block children’s emotional access to their parents. They are basically invisible — not heard, seen, and nurtured. Tragically, conversely, this set of rules allows the parents to have no boundaries with the children and to use and abuse them as they see fit. Sounds awful, doesn’t it?

When I read that, it hit me in ways I can’t even say. This sums up my life, all of it. Yet, I know when I get ready to hit send to post my blog, there is that “little girl” who is afraid of “pissing off” my mother, but I have started to remind myself that I am the adult and it is my job to look after my “little girl”.

I haven’t figured out if my dad is apart of this dynamic or not, he passed away when I was 7 years old.

I feel like I have more questions, than I did before.

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