I have a mental illness… who doesn’t right?
The problem with my BPD is that my emotions are reactive or as some say “triggered”. I have continually struggled with my “all or nothing” emotions or some would say “black and white thinking”.
So I go to therapy, I have for several years, I have learned so many helpful coping tools, yet when I am faced with the feelings of being abandoned whether it be friendships or something else, I feel incredibly hurt. Some people don’t react to things like this, some roll it off their back. Some say step outside your safe box and meet more people, all of which I have done and do ok with it until friendships develop that are no longer acquaintances. Once change happens, it’s like I dove in head first and then “it” happens…… what I call the “shiny new toy” comes along and suddenly I am put aside as I am no longer “shiny”.
I have spoken to my therapist about this and I have tried distracting myself and it isn’t always easy. Today those coping skills didn’t really do much and I have to accept that I am going to have those days. I am very familiar with the “all or nothing” feeling or “black and white” thinking. I have been told that emotions are like waves the key is to not get retriggered. I have yet to figure out how to “not” becomes retriggered.
So Sunday I sign off, I think I need to blog more, this helped a lot.