During my recent therapy session I took what I have been struggling with and discussed how the feelings of abandonment are easily triggered. I realized with help that a huge part of my past is what has continued in my adult life. Until I recognized that acceptance of my past is the only way to take control of my feelings.
Acceptance, sounds so easily right? Those feelings of hurt, anger, betrayal, denial all contribute to our emotions that we hang on to everyday. So I will be working on acceptance, learning to see the familiar feelings I feel when I become instantly angry and hurt. I realize it is going to take work, my therapist says to accept is one of the hardest things for anyone to do, not just me.
So what does acceptance look or feel like? Well I imagine it will be realizing I can discuss things without becoming angry or rageful. To start to feel my feelings as I have slowly started to do. That discussions and thoughts aren’t simply black and white, which is one of the most common traits of BPD .
I may not overcome BPD completely, but I will continue as much as possible to heal the scars that have run my life. See inside all of us is a little person who needs to be nurtured. My desire is to learn when “she” starts stomping her feet demanding to be heard. Only to start to realize that the reason she comes out is because her needs weren’t met when she needed them most.