How do you come to terms that the people who are supposed to take care of you, to love you, to protect you, abandoned you?
I’ve carried this anger, rage, hostility, hurt, sadness, disappointment all my life. I’ve attended numerous groups, coping with change, anger, depression and anxiety, body image, building compassion, I’m sure there are more, but I can’t remember them at this moment.
Until yesterday when I started another new group. A person who I’d never met before, reminded me of my family of origin. The way she looked, her mannerisms, even similar way of what she wore. In all my time of doing group therapy, this is the first time this has happened. I can’t help but feel it is the universe (for those of you who are of spirit belief such as myself) suggesting that it is time for me to start to deal with my feelings, so I can put this to rest and truly work on healing.
Feelings, they scare me. The idea of digging deep within myself, and discussing what really hurts, followed by whatever comes up, whether it be tears, fear, gut wrenching heartache, makes me fear that if my emotions are allowed to come to the surface and I am vulnerable, that those emotions will not stop, and that I will be left with the clean up, however that looks.
We talked about this yesterday and I learned that even though I feel this way, this won’t happen. Our bodies go in ebbs and flows. However, I think this is just going to take some time and learning to trust for me to feel safe.