Where do I start? Its been one hell of a 36 hours. First my cousin passed away yesterday. She had suffered with cancer and thankfully passed peacefully at home. She was in her 40’s. Then if that weren’t bad enough, I learn of this on social media! What is it with people blabbing private family matters before everyone in the immediate family knows? Has social media desensitized everyone so badly that privacy no longer means anything?
As if that weren’t challenging enough, a childhood friend died tragicially and unexpectedly yesterday. It has hit a lot of my high school community and friends hard. Friends far and wide have expressed how sad and home sick they feel about our friend’s death.
I struggle with emotions. I am great at expressing anger and anxiety, but horrible with showing emotions of sadness. What this means is I internalize and when the feelings become too much, my body releases that stress by increased headaches, nausea, diarrhea etc. late last night, I was overcome with intense cramping, sweating and such. This is how I realized I had too much stress within my body. I didn’t even work out today, that is how exhausted I am. But, because of my OCD, I keep looking at my treadmill and feeling like I am betraying myself, but I have to believe that is my eating disorder talking and not my body.
Now if this weren’t enough, recently my family doctor abruptly closed due to health reasons. We were given a referral, made an appointment, saw the doctor were under the impression we were now ok to have a new doctor, nope, received a call last Friday that he felt were not going to be a good fit for his office. This blew me away! I’ve never had a doctor turn a patient away before, let alone go for an interview. Today after trying several avenue’s to even find a list of possible doctor’s taking on new patients, most,if not all, on that list were no longer taken patients! So what is the purpose of this list anyways?
I went to a doctor today, filled out an application which is really you filling out your bio, medications you take etc. The receptionist called this afternoon and I have a “meet and greet” on Monday. Seriously this whole “doctor can decide if you are good fit for his practice” is wrong. It used to be that you, the patient to be, were the one to interview the doctor.
I’ve been knocked down, but I’m not out!