Today was the first day back since before Christmas, of attending group therapy. This one is called Building Compassion.
As usual on first day get togethers there is a usual go over of boundaries, expectations, things like that.
We started on a the 3 Pillars of Compassion:
- First pillar: Self-kindness
- Second pillar: Common humanity
- Third pillar: Mindfulness
I try to be kind to myself about my flaws and inadequacies but it is not easy. I see fault a lot of times and reminding myself that it isn’t true is challenging. In times of difficulty/stress being extra kind and caring towards myself isn’t something I think to do, often I usually punish myself. When I feel emotional pain, I go numb because it is a place I have gone to most of my life.
Reminding myself that I am not perfect and that it is ok to make mistakes, is something I am learning to do and will get better at. However, when I am really down I struggle with reaching out to other people for support and understanding. When I am upset, reminding myself that I am not alone and that there are lots of other people in the world feeling like I am. This is something that will take practice, a lot of times we do feel alone when we are in our darkest moments. I need to keep aware of the fact that everyone suffers in some way.
Being mindful is something that I work on and practice, reminding myself that I have a lot to be grateful for. I will be honest though, when I am down I don’t remember to make an effort to focus on what is going well. The same goes for when things upset me, I don’t remember to try to keep a balanced view of the situation.
We talked about your wants and needs as a child and how that affects you today. Some things really struct me hard and I wrote them out as the words came to me. I haven’t decided if I will share them here or not. Sometimes one needs time to process before words are spoken.