Triggers and Facebook


What is it with people posting and others responding with the feeling they can bully someone for posting on their own wall?Earlier this week I experienced bullying myself and it triggered me because I hate derogatory comments and flame wars not to mention the social broadcasting of a family death over Facebook without even notifying me privately.

Social media has really desensitized people, in my opinion. No longer do I see any consideration of what a person may feel, its just put out there with no regard for anyone but the person on the other end of the computer, who seems to take pride in hoping to encourage an argument where everyone can see and contribute to or cast stones and judgment.

So how does one get through this? Most of the time I either scroll past it on my timeline, or if the person is seen as a constant s***t disturber, then I simply remove them. Drama lama’s take up too much space. My mental health needs as much calm and peace as I can arrange.

I’ve taken to my treadmill daily, I find it helps to focus on the endorphins while I am watching a comedy on Crave or Netflix. If anyone is looking for a fantastic British comedy, check Absolutely Fabulous. It has really gotten me through some stressful moments as of late. Plus, it makes my work outs go amazingly fast LOL!

Well this weekend is going to be hot, hot, hot, so I am going to be in my air conditioned home, making sure to use my treadmill and spending time with my pets. One of my favorite events is on tomorrow, horse racing – The Belmont, I’m curious to see if American Pharoah will attain the elusive Triple Crown, not achieved since 1978 when Secretariat won it.

In the mean time, be kind to one another – perhaps think before you speak, you may not realize how you affect the person on the otherside of the computer screen.

Image result for Remember words hurt

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Perfectionism


As a recovering Perfectionist and an aspiring good-enoughist, I’ve found it extremely helpful to bust some of the myths about perfectionism so that we can develop a definition that accurately captures what it is and what it does to our lives.

  • Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievements and growth. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment and shame. It’s a shield. Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from taking flight.
  • Perfectionism is not self-improvement. Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn  approval and acceptance. Most perfectionists were raised being praised for achievement and performance (grades, manners, rule-following, people-pleasing, appearance, sports). Somewhere along the way, we adopt this dangerous and debilitating belief system. I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it. Please. Perform. Perfect . Healthy striving is self focused – How can I improve? Perfectionism is other-focused — What will they think?

Excerpt from “Gifts of Imperfection”

This is just a piece of what I relate to. I do have more to share on this topic and will do so in bits and pieces. I don’t want to overwhelm you as it is a heavy, thought provoking topic.

I welcome your thoughts and views to this or any of my writings.

Perfectionism

Rage


Recently I experienced a situation where my rage came out and it frightened people. In this situation the trigger was someone who wouldn’t stop pushing with her comments to the point that I finally answered back. When I did my frustrations rose and rose to the point I retaliated and when that happens my control goes out the window.

I saw my psychiatrist today and discussed this with him. He didn’t have much in terms of advice except that triggers can and often do cause one to be reactive.

I feel frustrated in that I have done a lot of work on myself mentally and emotionally but I don’t have control over my anger. This, is not ok with me. I realize that these things take time, but how much time does one need to get a hold of my emotions so that this type of outburst doesn’t happen and I scare people?

I do apologize for my outburst but the one who started didn’t; she came across as very self centered. She just kept saying that she has a voice and is entitled to use it. What the hell has that got to do with the situation she caused?

I’m waiting til after Christmas Break when I will start 3 mini groups on anger, hopefully the cycle will be broken.

anger

7 months later…


Today I received a call, one I wasn’t expecting. It was from the police officer regarding the March 2014 accident that I was a first responder to. If you need to be refreshed you can read it here https://sexyonthedarkside.wordpress.com/2014/03/16/out-of-body-feeling/.

He mentioned that he was looking to close the file, but that I was the only one who had not given a statement. He asked if I remember anything of that day and I said I did. I went on to tell him what I remembered. He asked me if I could come down to the detachment and give a recorded statement? I said that I could and made my way down there.

I felt fine on the way there, I gave my statement, it didn’t take long. He said that my statement was excellent and that it filled in some blank spots that they had.

How I was missed I don’t know. I have up until a month ago, spoken with Victim’s Services. We’ve checked in with one another, we have gone over emotions, what I’m feeling etc. I even mentioned that to the officer. I asked if I have flashbacks can I contact Victim’s Services and he said I could.

I’ve been through therapy regarding obviously my mental state, and it included the PTSD regarding this accident.

Honestly, I really don’t want to go through this nightmare again.

Dreams

What are your rules for Interacting with People?


Hmmm, I hate it when you get a question like the above, and you have to pick your brain and actually “think” about how do you interact with people?

The assignment is to write a long list without thinking very much about what it is I am writing. Then, if that isn’t hard enough, I have to go through each rule and see if it is really mine or if I “inherited” it from somewhere and tend to follow it unthinkingly. Then, a second time, go through the list again and delete the rules I don’t want, letting others stand, and possibly editing/ revising a few. See how I feel doing this.

Geeish, not too hard!

  1. Smile
  2. Shake hands or hug (depends on person)
  3. When I accept/make plans with someone to follow through with them
  4. Use manners
  5. Dress nicely
  6. Be approachable
  7. Be Friendly
  8. Don’t be negative during the conversation – no one wants to hear me talk about all things negative
  9. Be helpful if someone is lost
  10. Be the way I would want to be treated
  11. Don’t be judgmental
  12. Be Compassionate
  13. Put my cell on vibrate (and in my purse) when I’m with someone; I am giving them my full attention
  14. If someone starts an argument, I choose to rise above as I don’t engage
  15. Don’t be rude and make jokes about what someone wears or what their name or height is.
  16. Be kind to everyone (in honor of my cousin Sean)

This was difficult to do because I have never thought about my rules for interacting with people. This project showed me that I have basic concepts and morals that are mine and mine alone. That, I am worth being treated with respect and in return I treat the other person the same way.

I’m glad I decided to take on this project tonight, I almost didn’t.

Boundaries

Overwhelmed emotions and Canadian Tragedy


Itriggersn case anyone has been under a rock, today my country experienced something unprecedented. A shooter killed a solider standing at the National War Museum of the Unknown Solider. This is a huge honor. The gun the solider holds is not with bullets and today perhaps that very same weapon could have helped save his life.

3 hours ago a gunman walked up to the Parliament Building and opened fired, if you google it you will find a taped feed of what the sounds and shots were heard. That shooter is dead by the Sergeant at Arms who always has a loaded weapon.

http://globalnews.ca/news/1628313/shots-fired-at-war-memorial-in-ottawa-says-witness/

As I found myself watching all of this unfold on my t.v. my eyes couldn’t be taken away. I shared what I learned with my spouse who is at work, via text. He asked me to step away from the media because he could tell I was becoming overwhelmed which of course induces my anxiety.

I wanted to blog and get the feelings out. I feel very agitated and fearful. The reality that my country is no longer peaceful as it has always been known is what is what I am feeling. Anything that I have ever seen as “bad” has always been far away, never in my own country.

Now in terms of my mental health, I am grateful that I have my group today, so that I can decompress my feelings. I am also looking forward to not hearing any radio, tv or social media.  While I will have my cell with me, we can’t be looking at it while in session.

But I will be honest I feel short fused, right now my cat is wandering the house meowing, most likely looking for his cat mates who are most likely not far from him. Yet, his whining is driving me nuts!

I know the coming days are going to be fueled with this tragedy as more and more information is released about what has transpired.

I think its time to go read my book.

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Basic Levels of Respect


I have been having a good weekend. I do volunteer work for rescuing dogs, spent time with my partner, and still feeling pretty good on 6,000 I.U. on Vitamin D.

Today things changed ….a lot.

Once a month my partner and I met up with friends for brunch. Normally it’s quite enjoyable. Today, however, it wasn’t. Today left me feeling hurt and angry. I felt by blogging it will get the feelings out and I can start to move forward.

Today we were sitting at a long table, the kind where you have 3 people on each side. A woman who arrived late was going to sit on the end and her partner sat beside me.

Everyone ordered their drinks, everything is going smoothly. The woman who arrived late, asks the waitress if she can move the table that I’m sitting at with the 5 other people. The waitress hesitantly says ‘I guess so’. Next thing I know my table has been moved, those that were sitting there aren’t and even when I spoke up, the woman ignored me anyways!

My partner and I were so angry that he got up from his seat to come and sit with me as we no longer were! The waitress came back and she was completely confused as everyone who was sitting where they had an assigned number. Now with this table shifting, everything was mixed up and our waitress was the only one shift.

People overall knew how upset I was, I mean the basic tenants of respect were completely ignored! This also triggered a huge  abandonment issue because of the disregard shown by  someone I have considered a friend.

My partner (unknowing to me) went to the counter and spoke to the waitress about what has happened. She gave us our beverages for free (we hadn’t ordered our meals yet) and he came to me and said we are leaving. As we are getting everything one of our friends said that if we have anything to say by all means day it.

As we got near the exit, I heard my friends comments so I quickly went up to where this person was  sitting and I said (very loudly) “you could have at least asked!”

My partner said very sternly, let’s go because if he  says  what he really wants to say it will not be polite and a scene would be had.

I’ve been thinking about all of this and honestly I do not have anything to apologize for . I don’t hate this person, however, an apology is needed before I even consider having anything to do with her.