Back from the Edge

I was referred to this You Tube link on Borderline Personality. I watched it with intrigue and curiosity. I wasn’t sure if it would be able to describe what my life is like.  It does and then some. 

I have attached the YouTube link because it is a video well worth the watch. Share it with everyone who is in your life, give them the chance to understand what it is like to live with BPD.

I didn’t realize that suicide is very common with this mental illness. I don’t know why this surprises me, but it does. Perhaps it is because I associate suicide with depression and bipolar. It is clear I need to be aware that mental illnesses in general have a susceptibility to not just talking about suicide, but to acting on it as well. 

Yesterday I had read that someone had gotten on one of our bridges and prepared to jump off. People were annoyed because it blocked them from going about their business in their vehicles. I had read comments from people saying how selfish it was, that if he/she really wanted to “end their life” they would have done it. Instead they saw it as attention seeking. I do not see it this way and made my thoughts known. I so wish these judgments of what that person could have been feeling at that time, weren’t based on assumptions.  Another person commented about heath care issues and had they not removed institutions, people wouldn’t be doing this. Again, I objected to this comment. 

People, whether it be BPD or depression all want to be heard. 

They need help.. and this is a desperate way to find it, but when you are at that level of despair, the last thing on your mind is what others feel. Most of all, it is not about us. If someone is on the bridge wanting to jump, it isn’t to piss us off. To think that it is about us is really off the mark.


excerpt from Facebook feed.


Learning that BPD can go into remission with people going on to live productive lives, is something I think we all strive for. I’m definitely not in this category yet. My hope is one day I will be. 

After watching the video, I felt an amount of sadness and disappointment. Disappointment in knowing my family will not be one of those people who would venture to try to understand what I live with, nor how I am learning to cope and one day move past this. 



Looking for that glimmer of light – Bullying Ends HERE

I posted this on my Facebook status page today in relation to the tragic suicide death of Amanda Todd

Sean as the very sad story of Amanda Todd is circulating, many of us can’t help but think of you today and every day. The impact of your loss is insurmountable in words. Like Amanda, you felt that you just couldn’t take the pain and anguish you were in; yet the outpouring of love and friendship for both of you is beyond what I’m sure you and she could have ever imagined. This has been a lesson to not just myself but to many people, on just how much a person DOES matter, even when we are at our lowest. I am not minimizing the pain Amanda, you, myself, or anyone, what I am saying is that just when you really believe in your heart that there is no one, look to that glimmering light, no matter how faint it is, you know what that is…. its the people you think you wouldn’t matter to, reminding you that you do. We all Miss You Sean, Amanda and all who have gone too soon xo

Not only am I reflecting on what the last 24 hours has brought to the surface that of a sweet, young girl, who was bullied for over 2 years. Her poignant story she told a mere 5 weeks before taking her own life this past Wednesday, October 10, 2012.

You can find her YouTube Video here: .

Now I could go and write about what it is like to be bullied as I was in school. Yet, this is much more than simply bullying in school. This is about cyber bullying, something that people know about, and parents have been putting various security systems in place to help protect their children from predators. This is not enough, what draws people to predators is how they feel about themselves. 

Self Esteem, the very essence of what makes us who we are. If our self esteem is bruised and battered by endless words of hate and torment. It makes sense that someone looks to others for validation. They feel so broken and in pieces on the inside that the hope is someone else will make them feel better. 

The only problem with this thought process (and I have done it) is that we set ourselves up to be a predator’s victim, without even knowing we have. See, there are vicious people out there, who feed off of the low self esteem that some people have and those that are seeking out that acceptance, want to trust that the person on the other side of the screen, genuinely likes them.  

How do we teach people the importance of one’s worth? 

How do we teach people that words hurt and leave lasting impressions? 

When do we start teaching our children that they matter? I’ve seen some say as young as the age of 2, is that too young? 

Something has to change, we are losing precious people, because of the deliberate cruelty of others. Somehow we have to get it through everyone’s mind that no matter how bad you feel, no matter how sad you feel, no matter how mad you feel, YOU MATTER


A Diversion

I have started to upload videos of my fuzzy fur kids to You Tube. Originally, I started it at the suggestion of a friend, who has been making an income from it.  I never realized how many subscribers she has, let alone what or how to go about earning anything online. 

But now I find myself enjoying the opportunity to share my furry babies with all of you. I like knowing that I am making people smile, to share a laugh, to know that in some small way I am helping someone have a brighter day. 

If you would like to subscribe to my page, please feel free. I upload videos usually every week, sometimes more than once a week, a lot depends on how fast I can get the webcam lol. – This one is my latest, it is called Bell in a box – Cinder Style 

Cinder is my ginger kitten. I rescued him last Fall. He and his “sister” Ella (who is the ragdoll kitten) in the video have a lot of fun all the time. The tuxedo grey and white one is Jingles, he is over a year old and I rescued him when he was just a few months old. 

Blaze is my Jack Russell Terrier, who is 6 years old and is a lot of fun all the time!