Feeling Numb

I have not been writing like I need to be. So I have gathered a few thoughts and am sharing them here.

I’m stressing about C not working (his industry has been having some serious issues) and us living on my disability pension. Its really affecting me mentally. I worry about gas and where we go and if we really need to go there. I tell him it isn’t about him, its the fact I have had to live this way before and I have gone without.

I am also having flashbacks to when I was a kid and the expectation was I would pick up the slack, and take care of stuff. Once the emergency was over, so was the expectation. However, the feeling of expectation and reliance never left me.

My great Uncle passed away recently. He was my grandfather’s brother and I know that may mean another funeral where my mother will be present. There are other issues with the people who my Uncle was staying with and I had a run in with one of them this week. She subsequently blocked me from my Uncle’s FB account.  Apparently she is the one who set up his account and notified people of his passing. The trouble I have is she kept changing his profile picture and it was annoying the hell out of me.

I have been feeling very frustrated. This week I have been to an orthotist appointment (really need orthotics) because I am in a lot of pain with plantar fasciitis, today it was my family doctor to get medication refills and for him to sign the government form required to get my orthotics covered.  Tomorrow is the psychiatrist who is runs the outpatient psychiatry group that I have been referred to by the mental health team who have been working with me. I do not know when the next group starts as of yet, because I have to find out if I will be deemed a “good fit”. This group runs 3 mornings a week.

I don’t know if I can do this. I also have an appointment for therapy on Feb. 4 and that costs $80 plus I owe her $120 for previous appts. I also have my naturopath appointment to do with my hormone stuff and that is $60. I have remembered that I have a credit at their office so I am going to see if I can put my acupuncture towards the credit.