What are your rules for Interacting with People?

Hmmm, I hate it when you get a question like the above, and you have to pick your brain and actually “think” about how do you interact with people?

The assignment is to write a long list without thinking very much about what it is I am writing. Then, if that isn’t hard enough, I have to go through each rule and see if it is really mine or if I “inherited” it from somewhere and tend to follow it unthinkingly. Then, a second time, go through the list again and delete the rules I don’t want, letting others stand, and possibly editing/ revising a few. See how I feel doing this.

Geeish, not too hard!

1. Smile
2. Shake hands or hug (depends on person)
3. When I accept/make plans with someone to follow through with them
4. Use manners
5. Dress nicely
6. Be approachable
7. Be Friendly
8. Don’t be negative during the conversation – no one wants to hear me talk about all things negative
9. Be helpful if someone is lost
10. Be the way I would want to be treated
11. Don’t be judgmental
12. Be Compassionate
13. Put my cell on vibrate (and in my purse) when I’m with someone; I am giving them my full attention
14. If someone starts an argument, I choose to rise above as I don’t engage
15. Don’t be rude and make jokes about what someone wears or what their name or height is.
16. Be kind to everyone (in honor of my cousin Sean)

This was difficult to do because I have never thought about my rules for interacting with people. This project showed me that I have basic concepts and morals that are mine and mine alone. That, I am worth being treated with respect and in return I treat the other person the same way.

I’m glad I decided to take on this project tonight, I almost didn’t.

Feeling Better

I usually have things to blog about and yet for the moment, my brain is blank lol. I better write that down in my calendar!

Seriously though, I ordered the light I blogged about yesterday and have upped my Vitamin D to 6,000 i.u.  I’m not sure if the Vitamin D works quickly, but I did feel better this morning. Regardless, I will take whatever good days I can get.

I was out and about today, shopping and using coupons, I find that spending the time finding coupons for grocery shopping, although more time consuming I saved over $33 on a bill of $154, I’m pretty impressed with myself! As well, I’m a woman on Disability, so I do all I can to save an extra dollar where I can.

I have a some what busy weekend and am looking forward to seeing what happens.

Shorter Days and Mood Disorders

How are you doing? I am miserable. With October being the start of shorter days, my mood is horrible. My patience is low, my depression is clearly up and my bipolar is out of whack because I can’t get proper sleep. I am thinking I am going to ask about Season Effective Disorder. I think it would help me better understand what’s going on with me on top of everything else. I would also like to consider a “day light” but being on disability chances of buying one are very slim.

So what am I going to do about it? Well, I have decided to start taking Vitamin D 3000 I.U. again as it is known for helping with moods. I am supposed to see my psychiatrist next week, so I don’t want to phone if unnecessary, but if I have to, I guess I will.

My rage is not good, I’m acting out. This morning I smacked a metal object and punctured my hand. I will live, but it doesn’t feel very nice and it is now a reminder of me being angry. That’s also how I realized I have to do something with my moods/bipolar because we have a good six to nine months of dreary weather and I don’t want to be barely getting through it.

I will not undo all the work I have done, I know this is a struggle, I will get through this.

Progress

Today I saw my therapist, I hadn’t seen her in a few months, mostly due to the group work I have been doing and the psychiatry appointments I’ve had with working on my medication.

She commented that I seemed much more calm; the last time she saw me, she said I was wound up very tight and agitated. She also noticed when we were talking about my husband going out of town and I agreeing with him going, that before I would have been very angry about him leaving me. I commented that I still struggle with this but I think the reason it was easier this time is because he was closer than when he goes to Texas. As she said, if there was an emergency he could come home quicker.

We spoke about what medications I am and how I was feeling on them. Do I feel stable on them? I thought about it and I “think” I do. I don’t feel like my anger/rage is as intense as it was. I don’t feel numb, like I did months ago. My husband and now my therapist say that I don’t appear as manic as I was.

Progress is good, now I’m just figuring out other emotions and how to deal with them. Being numb for as long as I have, there is so much I don’t remember what feels like what.

Growth and Healing

 

 

Determination and Progress

Someone asked me today what steps I had taken till I was referred to a psychiatrist. I realized in my reply that it has been quite the process. Here is the outline.

I” had gone to my family doctor last Fall and complained that I really felt my Effexor wasn’t helping me and given he wasn’t my original prescribing doctor, he admitted that he wasn’t sure why I was on them, other than he knew I was and just kept me on them. When I told him I wanted off of them, I also told him the diagnosis that a different psychiatrist had given (and he has a copy of) of Borderline Personality Disorder, he realized it was better for me to be seen by a psychiatrist so I could get a thorough diagnosis and have my medication checked. I had to wait about 3 to 4 months and have now seen him 3 times now. In my case, it has worked out very well. 

I have taught myself that the only one who will look after me, is me; no one else. That it is up to me to seek the treatment I deserve to have, because I do not want to live like this anymore. 

Since I have been back to Vancouver, it has taken me 3 1/2 years to get this far, but it has taken continuous work, seeking help with a mental health worker who helped me a ton, she suggested the walk in mood disorder clinic to see the psychiatrist who got the ball rolling with my diagnosis of BPD. From there, I went back to the mental health worker, and worked with her and getting into rapid access group therapy. I did 8 weeks of group therapy there once a week. 

From there I got a referral to Group Therapy Services at the hospital and for the next 18 months, I did every program in the sequence, one of which went for 30 weeks. 

From there, I went and conversed with the therapist who oversaw my file. We talked about options and how I would have to take about a 6 month break because it is not healthy to continue for long long periods (I disagree but that’s me). 

Combined with her and back to Mental Health, it was determined I would benefit from an Interpersonal Group at the hospital. I started that program in April of this year. I am in this program for 16 weeks. 

I have also considered alternative health and have been working with a naturopath regarding diet and nutrition. I’ve worked at trying to incorporate exercise into my routine, and have struggled with that, due to a history with an eating disorder and excessive exercising. 

To anyone seeking further support other than just their family physician, have a heart to heart with your doctor. Be honest, tell him/her what your symptoms are, that you are nervous to be open with him/her because you are afraid you won’t be taken seriously. It is true that we have to be our own advocate. 

Failing all the above, there are advocates who will help you~ I know this first hand and yes, they have helped me in the past. 

Credit given to Emma@BPD Community/ Facebook 2013.

 

Alternatives and Choices

Ah yes, today was group therapy, session 9 of 10. Today we talked about personality responsibility. People always get wigged out at being held accountable for their actions. I don’t. If I did it, I will say so. If I did it and I truly don’t remember (disassociation), I will ask for as much in details as possible. My hope is the more detail, that it will trigger something in my head and recall what is being said. 

Our discussion talked about how as a child the alternatives from which we could choose were often quite limited and were restricted by the rules, regulations and actions that the adults around you used to control and you and your behavior. Even as an adult, you may have been unable to exercise the full range of choices which might be available because you still live by the rules and regulations inherited from your parents and caretakers. 

As our discussion grew and changed, we came to discuss self-talk. You know what self-talk is right? Its that talk that goes on inside your head. 

I mentioned that I feel like I am split in half. One side of my head hears the tapes, the negative messages, the recordings from childhood. The other side hears the rationale, the common sense of the moment. Yet, no matter how many times I have cut the tape, burned it, visualized burning it, or putting it in a visual safety deposit box, the moment life becomes stressful, the tape some how finds its way back inside my head! 

This brought one of the therapists to mention about a poem. It goes as follows:

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS

By Portia Nelson

I

I walk down the street,

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

I fall in 

I am lost…. I am helpless

                 it isn’t my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

II

I walk down the same street,

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don’t see it.

I fall in again.

I can’t believe I am in the same place,

But, it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

III

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in….it’s a habit

My eyes are open.

I know where I am

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

IV

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidwalk.

I walk around it.

V

I walk down another street.